Archive for the ‘Stuff I’ve learned’ Category

Today I Learned This

Thursday, April 7th, 2022

For those of you who have known me, you know I was raised as a Christian.

Catholic upbringing, Catholic Schooling, and have been a member of the Church Choir,
or Church Music Ministries for years. I was even an altar boy for most of my grade school days.
I was involved with my High School Brothers in a weekly Prayer Group for so long also.

And as you know, I have expressed my faith and belief on this site multiple times.
There is even an actual Category for Worship Music on my Chorus page.
Because that is my background. I grew up playing in Church and singing the songs.

Anyway, Easter is coming next week and usually by this time
I am already preparing for another song to add here.

(more…)

Right at the very end. 

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

Last Night

Monday, August 21st, 2017

It’s weird to even write this here, right after my last post.

But still..
Through the years, this site kept me sane.
It’s something I know I have full control over.

Last night was quite an event in my immediate family that I will never forget.
I now know how to be a parent and how a parent’s heart break.

It will break. It cannot be avoided.
It will break into a million pieces
and I am not sure how to pick up all the pieces
and make sure it all fits back together.

Today I woke up, hoping it was just a dream.
Hoping there was a way to turn back time.
Still, with a heavy heart, I start my day.

Everyone says that all will be alright and things will get better.
But I cannot see it.
I really cannot see it.

Today I Learned …

Wednesday, August 9th, 2017

Let me tell you a story

Thursday, January 7th, 2016

A year ago,
on this date,
is when my Mother lost her battle with cancer.

I remember being so upset when I heard the news.
I was on my way to the airport to fly to Canada,
and our trusted friend, Alejandra called me, crying,
and told me that my Mom was taking her last breath.

Then, she was gone.
My Mother.
Whom I have known from the very first time I drew breath.
Gone.

I just remember Tracy pulling over to the side of the road,
as I burst into tears, screaming my head off,
with my son watching me from the back seat.

I was hurt.
I was angry.
I felt so lost.

I was just hours away.
I didn’t make it.
I was very angry.
Very angry.

We get to the airport,
I checked in, and lo and behold,
my flight was 3 hours delayed.
Adding more insult to what has befallen that day.

I love how life does that to you when you needed it least.

I sat by my gate,
counting down the hours, waiting to board.

I remember talking to my sisters, Elizabeth and Evelyn via text.
I remember my niece, Malou texting me too.
I told some people of what happened.
Those whom my Mom held most dear.

But throughout that time,
all I could think about was how upset I was.
That I wasn’t there
during her last moments.

You all know I live in Florida and I have built a life here.
The distance is one of my biggest fears since we have learned of her illness.
I was afraid I may not make it in time,
when the thing I have been dreading ever comes.
And sure enough, that is what happened.

Hours passed and the plane arrives.
We all board and I found my seat.
I sat beside this nice lady, her kid in the next seat,
her husband and other kid behind us.
They just had their vacation at DisneyWorld.

We just happen to talk about stuff, about being in Orlando,
Disney and how her kids enjoyed being at the parks.
Then she asked me where I live and asked me
why I choose to go to Ottawa
in negative degree weather.
So I told her, that my Mother passed away, just hours ago.

She gasped, and touched my shoulder.
A gesture of kindness which I seem to be really needing at that moment.
I keep my tears from falling as she looks at me with sympathy.

And all of a sudden she told me that she was a nurse
from the same Hospital where my Mother was in.
She grabbed my arm this time and held it tight.
She leaned towards me and said,
“I know you feel bad for not being there with her.
But let me tell you this, and I have seen this a lot of times,
That last moment before she passed is not as important
as how your relationship with her while she was alive.
That’s what they remember.
And that’s what matters.”

For some reason, it’s what I needed to hear too.
It is what has been on my mind that whole time.
Just the agony of knowing that I didn’t make it.
I was just hours away.
Just like what happened when my Father passed away in the Philippines.
I was to see him just a month after.

This lady’s simple words helped me put things in perspective.
From a complete stranger, no less.

I am very proud that I had a great relationship with my Mother.
And I too did remember all the happy things we shared together.
It gives me comfort that she knows how much I loved her when she was alive.
When I was with her when she was well.
When it really did matter.
Not the last hour.
Not the last minute.

And from that point on,
I have learned how you can get the best help,
compassion and understanding from other people.
Much better than the ones you put your complete trust into.

I needed to learn that.
I needed to know that.

A year has passed
and I still miss my Mother very much.
Time does fly very fast.
It doesn’t make things easier.

Someday, I hope it will.
I will move on, but I will never forget.

Rest in Peace, Ma.
We remember you on this day.
We love you very much.

IMG_0864

Progress

Sunday, October 26th, 2014

Yesterday, I went to a friend’s retirement party.

I don’t know if I told you before but I am not into social gatherings.
Well, not anymore.
I used to.
For some reason, anxiety just grabbed a hold of me and won’t let go.
Maybe it’s insecurities, maybe I’m just not into anything that may lead into
me being humiliated or embarrassed.
I am not young anymore.
I am not hip with what’s new these days.

I say it’s progress because, I struggled with it all day,
and it took everything in me to buck up, get ready and go.
I fought with myself the whole way
from turning the car around and just forget it.
Make up some excuse for not going at all.

I did get there, eventually.
Saw other people.
Had conversations and jokes about everything.
Actually had a great time.
Plus, made my friend happy for showing up.

I carried myself well.
That’s progress for me.
It may be nothing to you,
but that is big for me.

I didn’t even feel the need to order alcoholic drinks just to fit in.
I wasn’t planning on drinking at all.
I didn’t need to pressure myself.
I was fine.

Though the only thing I had trouble with while I was there,
was ordering my drink for the night.
When the server asked me for my drink,
for some reason, I couldn’t pronounce “Arnold Palmer.”

Must be the Filipino in me.
My tongue just wouldn’t want to work it.
I guess saying it right will be my next progress report.

“UrrnnuldPulmur.”

Damn it!
I can’t do it!

Serves me right

Wednesday, January 8th, 2014

Sad Songs Say So Much

Monday, July 22nd, 2013

Remember that song by Mr. Elton John?
Sad songs says so much? No?
Never mind. You’re too young.

Anyways,
I have always been criticized,
for as long as I can remember,
that I play a lot of sad songs.

Well, I disagreed at first, of course.
I like Rock!
I play a lot of Rock.
I listen to a lot of Rock.

But over the years,
and as I look over my recorded tunes and covers,
I guess I really do.
I play a lot of Sad Songs.
Sad Ballads, if you call it that.

Then I realized, because it makes me feel better.
It makes me cope.
Sad songs have more substance than…let’s say
a happy, fast song full off Yeah, Yeahs or Baby, Baby’s.

Also, my voice is not made for Rocking and screaming.
I can’t. I really can’t.
I sing and play ballads with ease, compared to
hours and hours of trying to make a happy song work.

I don’t necessarily play sad songs because they’re what I feel.
I don’t even pay attention to the lyrics most of the time.
I just like how the music flows.
Let’s say my feelings flow more on the music rather than the message it conveys.

Then I read this article from Huffington Post,

Sad Songs May Actually Elicit Pleasant Emotions

So, that helped me understand.
I don’t mind being criticized now.
I like sad songs.
It makes me happy.

Except Country Music.
That one is just depressing.
(I kid, I kid.)

“Sad is happy for deep people.” – Sally Sparrow

I found it again

Friday, July 19th, 2013

I felt it.
I remembered why I worked hard to learn the instrument.
I love it.
I really do.

I’m not a guitar nor a music expert.
But I just really love how they both make me feel.

Cheesy as it may sound, I know.
But I remembered why I stood by it in the first place.
And that is why I’m still playing it all this time.

Thank you.

Friday, July 12th, 2013

If I may be serious for a moment.

A couple of months ago,
we had some troubling news within our family.

It has been challenging, to say the least.
Not just for me, but for every member of our clan.

Without going into details,
I would like to say that things are looking up.
And we have been given more hope.

I would like to take this opportunity
to thank everyone who have given their sincerest support,
thoughts and prayers.

Even to those whom I have only known by name
and not really acquainted with, offered a helping hand.

It is still a long journey ahead,
but at least hope is in sight.

Thank you.

Intro
Greetings! Welcome to my little corner on the net. This is just a simple collage of my life, music, thoughts, inspirations and whatever pops in my head. So whatever I do, write, say or think, hopefully will not be of any offense. Please proceed with caution.

The views expressed here does not reflect the views of my web host, my place of work, my ethnicity nor my religion.
Please read the full disclaimer before you proceed.

Now that that's out of the way.
On with the show.

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