Today was a shitty day. I have been working on changing my circumstances
to start caring for my mental health.
And yet again, life has disappointed me by giving me the shitty end of the stick.
What’s worse is that I was given hope.
Only for things to fall apart through no fault of my own.
It’s frustrating, to say the least.
It’s funny,
I don’t believe in luck anymore,
but I still blame bad luck all the time.
I feel the same about Religion.
They both have abandoned me.
It has been 9 years since my Mother passed.
As I sit here remembering her life, love, wisdom and warmth, it is impossible to ignore the void left behind by her absence.
In my opinion, losing a parent is like losing a compass that always pointed towards love and understanding.
The journey without them is very challenging.
No matter how much time has passed.
On this day, 12 years ago… I covered this tune.
Throwback to the good ol’ days when I used to make music,
pretending I was in a band, hoping to deliver a catchy rhythm!
Forget about auto-tune and fancy gadgets;
I’m bringing you the raw, unfiltered sound of whatever I have produced here.
Have a listen, laugh, grab your snacks, mute that Zoom call
and let’s prove that even in my mind I could have been a musical sensation. Or at least, a musical something.
Someday you will meet someone who will love you unconditionally and could never get enough of you.
Sure it may be a cat but that’s not the point.
The Blackhawks is now my favourite team.
The last time I cheered for them was during the height of Toews. Watching Conner play is an event in itself. https://t.co/Ix5OrfBC4B— Ty Martell (@denofmusic)
May 9, 2023
from twitter.com/denofmusic
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For a couple of nights now, I have been dreaming about trying to contact my parents.
Both of whom have already passed.
Last night, I was trying to call my Mother on the phone and this guy who answered won’t tell me her whereabouts.
One time, I dreamt about looking for my Father as well. And I just couldn’t find him.
This has been happening more often lately and every time it does,
I just want to go to where they were to be with them.
In my mind, I wanted to tell them I was tired and just want to rest.
Being in their presence gives me a sense of calmness.
They have always listened to me when I tell them my heartaches and pain.
I hate it so much when I dream about them but I can’t have any interactions.
It has been many years since they passed.
And I still feel as lost as ever.
It’s my Father’s birth date today and like I’ve said before, I share little stories about him so he will never be forgotten.
Dad was a big fan of music and arts. He has influenced me greatly with the way I listen to different genres and how to appreciate them.
Mostly because he would crank his stereo system on full blast on a Saturday morning while I nurse a massive hangover.
So wether I liked it or not, I got used to listening to a mixture of songs from The Police, to Everly Brothers and all the way to a roaring Pavarotti.
Dad contributed a lot to the music in my life.
But, this picture here is his music.
My siblings.
His Magnum Opus.
And it’s my favourite one of all time.
Happy Birthday, Dad.
I miss you lots.