And you know why
I am fascinated by this?
Because I am a geek.
And I am a sad strange individual.
Author: Ty
Comments Gone
As I was re-posting the ad-libs from the old site.
I just realized,
I lost some of the reader comments.
That’s what I get for being cheap, and relying on a free comment service.
Also, for not reading the fine print.
And for not backing-up my data.
What a bummer.
Now I have no proof that more than 3 people look and read this site.
Oh well.
What can I do.
So, write me a comment note.
Anyone.
Make me feel better.
Yes, I am talking to my 1st and 2nd degree friends.
Coz, if I ask the 3rd degree ones,
it’s gonna be a little awkward.
The War on Christmas
One of the current news buzz around the country,
is the war on Christmas.
Apparently,
it has been considered by the politically correct police,
that Christmas is a very offensive word,
and they want all reference to the word “Christmas” be replaced by “Holiday.”
You know what?
They win.
I give in.
I have no problems,
saying Merry “Holiday” to everyone.
Buying “Holiday” gifts,
putting them under our “Holiday” tree
sending “Holiday” cards,
singing “Have yourself a very merry Holiday,”
or wonder if my true love gave me
a partridge in a pear tree on the 1st day of “Holiday.”
I wouldn’t dare offend anyone if I ever say the word “Christmas.”
Nope.
I have no problem with that whatsoever.
Only under one condition……….
That everyone agrees,
that we also change:
Hanukkah,
Kwanzaa,
Thanksgiving,
Chanukah,
Martin Luther King Day,
Valentines,
Mardi Gras,
Purim,
Easter,
Passover,
Mother’s Day,
Father’s Day,
Shavuot,
Independence Day,
Labor Day,
Columbus Day,
Veterans Day,
Rosh Hashanah,
Yom Kippur,
Sukkot,
Simchat Torah,
Ramadan,
Halloween,
Cinco De Mayo,
Visakah Puja,
Los Dias de los Muertos,
and,
Oh what the hell.
Let’s throw in our Birthdays too.
Such a beautiful thing!
It has been almost a month now.
And I guess I can safely say,
that I am very proud to announce.
Tyler is potty trained.
Okay, maybe we sometimes miss “number 2”.
But we got “number 1” down pat.
It is such a beautiful thing.
I still can’t believe that I would love the sound of
pee and poop plummeting down the toilet.
Except maybe that time when I was at work,
and I left the house that morning
with a severe case of diarrhea.
Shivering every time the air conditioner blows at me,
worrying of any possible leakage.
But that’s not important right now.
What is important is that I have learned something new with kids.
You see, kids, by nature, need their parent’s attention.
And once in a while, that attention can not be given immediately.
Let’s say, your kid wants to show you something,
and you’re right in the middle of your favorite TV show.
Or,
Your child wants to play,
but you’re busy cooking or picking up the house.
But, when you’re in potty training mode,
Once your kid says they need to go potty,
You drop everything and accompany them to the toilet.
I don’t care if you are performing bypass surgery on that chicken breast for dinner,
you will drop your scalpel and make sure your kids do their business.
My son, in particular,
immediately caught on
onto this effective, but nasty little trick.
If he wants attention right away,
he tells us he wants to go “potty.”
If he still refuses to go to bed,
he immediately says he needs to go “potty.”
Brings his toys in there, and plays.
And I struggle with the doubt in my mind that,
“Maybe, he really does need to go.”
So,
In conclusion,
I have found out that,
When kids get toilet trained,
apparently, they also learn manipulation.
No matter.
The real upside to this story is,
No more “pull-ups” or “diaper” purchases.
Woohoo!!!!
Here we go again
Well, as you can see.
Some guy is trying to re-design this site.
Again.
I know, I know,
I have succumbed to the new blogging generation,
and left my roots as an HTML web designer,
who still uses Notepad to modify his site.
No matter.
At least this new layout is simpler and easier to read.
(Easier for me to update as well.)
Well, when I say easier to read,
that doesn’t mean that I am gonna start writing anything interesting.
Why start now, eh?
In all honesty,
I am kinda excited with this new layout.
The only thing that really bothers me,
is that,
I have to re-write all my archived posts,
and re-link all the paths again.
(That’s a good 5 years worth!)
Which means my mouse clicker will be in overdrive copy and paste.
Clickity-click!
Which I think is giving me the “carpool-tunnel-syndrominity.”
And when I have to invent words like “syndrominity,”
you know that I am not kidding.
Another song added.
Time after Time
Music by Cyndi Lauper
Voice and Guitars by – Ty Martell
Mobile Player here:
Actually, it’s a version by Tuck and Patti.
Okay, since I am on a roll with betraying my vow
not to sing on the songs I play.
Let me just give a word of advice,
to those new musicians who would like to record their stuff.
When you sing the songs you play,
make sure you clean your nose first.
Get rid of them boogers before you attempt to record anything.
Or else,
you will hear the wheezing, high-pitched noise,
your booger-filled nose makes,
and the microphone will pick them up.
Just like on this song I just did.
But then again,
my voice already sounds like a booger-filled nose,
desperately trying to gasp for dear life.
If there’s one thing I learned from my 2 years in ROTC,
and 1 year of CAT prior to that,
is that, Proper Hygiene is a way of life.
Oh and don’t get too drunk the night before training.
(I am looking in your direction, ESL Posse!)
Isn’t it interesting?
Isn’t it interesting,
how gas prices seem to go down,
at the same time the big oil companies
are being questioned for record breaking profits?
(Linky here.)
Isn’t it interesting,
with the bird flu epidemic threat,
the government strongly suggests that we get this Tamiflu medicine?
Which apparently, the chairman of the makers of this drug,
is a high government official?
(Linky here.)
Isn’t it interesting,
that the government vowed to investigate on
how much red tape there was during the hurricane Katrina relief efforts.
But then a certain individual who wanted to help, was denied.
(Linky here.)
Isn’t it interesting,
that most people only remember today as Veteran’s day,
because, banks are closed.
Isn’t it interesting,
how you do most of your critical thinking when you’re
on the toilet, and you can’t find any magazines to read?
Yeah, it is.
Isn’t it?
A funny thing happened on the way to the backyard.
Enter scene:
Father and 3 year old son,
walking towards the backyard.
Father, holding his coffee cup,
sat by the patio chairs.
3 year old son,
with toy cars in hand,
also sat by the chairs,
putting his toys on the table.
As Father takes a sip of his coffee,
3 year old son, adjusts his chair to get situated,
accidentally hits his leg under the table.
BAM!
3 Year old son shouts,
“Ouch!”
(Silence)
“Damn it!”
Exit scene:
Father, wiping his mouth,
after spitting coffee.
He must have picked that up from either Blues Clues,
or Dora the Explorer.
Or his Mother.
Because “Father”, still swears in Filipino.
Well.
He tries, at least.
Speaking of Death
Here’s another song added.
Dust in the Wind
Music by Kansas.
All instruments and Voice by – Ty Martell
Mobile Player here:
I know, I know.
I vowed not to sing in the songs I play.
But I must admit, it makes it way easier,
than playing the vocal notes.
And when I say easier,
I mean I am Lazy.
And by lazy, I mean it Sucks.
And when I say it sucks, I mean my Neighbors.
And when I say my neighbors, I mean “Hate.”
And by hate, I mean War.
And by war I mean Desert.
And by desert, I mean Sand,
And by sand, I mean Dust,
and by dust, I mean Death.
See?
See what I did there?
It came full circle!
Death to Death.
That was clever huh?
And when I say “clever,”
I mean I should shut up.
So, here I am.
Shutting up.
(SHUT UP!!)
Driving around
A funny little thing I noticed,
while driving around town.
And when I say funny, I mean downright dangerous.
See, I have always been curious.
How come when I am on a stop light,
and the light turns green,
it would probably take at least 5 – 10 seconds,
before the cars in front of me start moving.
Seems like the cars right by the stoplight,
hesitates for a couple of seconds before they
step on the gas.
And when I happen to be up front,
I start going as soon as the lights turn green.
And no car seems to follow me,
for a good couple of seconds.
And I always wondered why.
Any driver out there knows,
that the traffic lights operate sequentially.
So by the time I realize it’s going to be my turn,
I start getting ready to go.
You know, it’s usually clockwise, Taking turns.
Those who are on a straight thru traffic first,
followed by those vehicles turning left.
All these, in a given amount of time.
Anyway, back to my story.
I just thought that the majority of drivers here,
doesn’t pay any attention to the said traffic sequence.
That they are not always prepared to go, as soon the light turns green.
(I mean, besides everyone continuously yaks on their cell phone)
Then I came to realize,
these people are smart.
They got it all down right.
The reason why no one starts moving right away
when the light turns green,
is because,
There will always be one or two assholes
who tries to beat the red light.
It’s true!!
It’s a freaking way of life down here!
They see the light already turned red,
and they still slam on the gas like
a one-legged guy in an ass kicking competition.
No wonder that everyday,
there’s always a car wreck.
Actually as I am writing this,
there was a breaking news flash on TV,
Saying that there was a head on collision
on an intersection about 10 miles from where I live.
You know why there’s a lot of accidents?
Too many drunk drivers.
Too many stoned drivers.
Teens, along with their friends in their borrowed car,
trying to act cool, hollering at people.
Little Mama’s boy over there with his supersonic, bass thumping stereo,
blasting like the asshole he is.
Oblivious to anything that is happening around him.
Super low self esteem guy over there, in his modified bike muffler,
Rev-ving like he wants his bike to fart bullets!
Trying to let everyone know that he’s passing by.
And speed demon over there too,
trying to prove to everyone that he may qualify for Nascar,
weaving in and out of traffic, giving himself a boner
everytime he cuts someone off.
There’s always someone dying from an automobile accident.
I always hear the Ambulance, Fire Trucks and the Police sirens
about 10, 15 times a day.
This may be acceptable if you live near a hospital,
a fire department or
near Danny Bonaduce.
But I am not.
And with the new law Florida has,
that allows you to shoot first and ask questions later,
there are only two things that comes in my mind.
First,
I knew I shouldn’t have skipped anger management classes.
And Second,
My God! I am going to die here!
Anyway.
Here are some cool links for you to enjoy,
to give you the illusion that I am
not scared for my life.
How to swear in different languages —> insults.net – (pop-up)
A free program to get rid of telemarketers —> phonetray.com
Bouncing Panda —> rubytooth.com
Unleash hell —> freeworldgroup.com
Test your lightsaber skills —> lostvectors.com