One piece of Dorito I'm eating went vertical and impaled the roof of my mouth. How's your Monday so far?

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 5, 2016

A 30 min phone call with #Chase about a charge I'm trying to dispute is fucking going nowhere. How's your Monday so far?

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 5, 2016

I forgot to take my back pain meds this morning so now I'm just a grumpy, aching son of a gun!
How's your Monday so far?

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 5, 2016

You know, I haven't even had the time to watch SNL, and I'm not even the President elect. How does he find the time?

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 4, 2016

One photo place I called hung up on me once I mentioned I need @Canada passport measurements. I think I just confused her. #whataHoser

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 3, 2016

In my opinion, the hardest thing for a Canadian living in the US is finding a place where they take @Canada Passport photos.

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 3, 2016

Be it government, banks, taxes or anything that required paperwork, it will cost me my soul, my sanity and some change. #fuckinEHCanada

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 2, 2016

How come whenever I'm dealing with anything Canada related, they make me go through 100 hoops while sliding on a giant rusty blade?

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) December 2, 2016

All Canadian hockey teams won yesterday. And my @Senators won tonight. Just give me this happiness for once, ok? Just this once.

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) November 28, 2016

If I knew I could've voted illegally, I would've.

— Ty Martell (@denofmusic) November 28, 2016