Yesterday for lunch,
Tracy and I tried to make some home made shrimp tempura.

See, if you hang out with my family,
you would learn that “Seafood” to us is not just a delicacy.
It’s a freakin’ addiction.

And I’ll be the first one to admit.
I’ll trade in my left leg for a lobster,
my other leg for crabs and mussels,
and my left nut for sushi.
(I would give my arm but I need them to pry open the lobsters.)

Anyway,
Back to my tempura,
Tracy was deep frying every one of them,
but the shrimps never make it to the dining table.
Since, like any other seafood loving guy,
(or any food loving guy for that matter)
I jump on them as soon as it comes out of the frier.

“MMMmmmmmmmm……
I Heart Tempuras!”

But to my surprise,
Something went terribly wrong.

I started having “Welps” on my face.
And I mean welps like you’re looking at my face is like
looking at the World Atlas.

You could easily mistake the Gigantinormous shape right below my left eye
as the African continent,
(okay maybe not that big, I just wanted to use the word “gigantinormous”)

then draw a line SouthWest of my nose,
and you’ll hit South America,
While Canada and Greenland is starting to blur my vision
for it is just beside my freakin’ eyelid.

And my whole face feels hot.
Very hot.

Allergic reaction?

Unbelievable!

I have been consuming hordes of ocean marine life
since I was a little kid.
And I can outlast most of my family at all-you-can-eat seafood restaurants.

This can not be right!
This can not be!

I guess some people just develop new allergy reactions as they grow old.

First Beer, then this?

Not good.
Not good at all.
This is soooooooo Bad News!!!

Well, at least I’ve got some good news.

I just saved a load of money on my insurance,
just by switching to Geico.

Well, no. Not really.
But that would have been cool.
And a nice ending for this crap.

PS —
The plate of leftover tempura shrimp is still in our fridge.
And it’s calling my name like I owe it child support.
Oh God, Help me!!!!