Category: Just dabbling

Still Alive. Still Rambling.

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I figured I should follow up on my last post from December of last year.
Wow. Has it really been that long?

I was sick when I wrote it, and then I kind of disappeared for a while.
If anyone stumbled across this site after that, they probably thought I died.

I didn’t.
Well, it felt like it. But no.
I’ve just been quiet.

Anyway, I always meant to come back and start writing again.
Mainly because I’ve had this blog since before 2001 and I am still paying a web host for it.

It started as a place for my music, late-night thoughts, and whatever random stuff I felt like sharing. Then social media came along and changed everything.
Suddenly it was easy to send a quick post, get a few likes, interact a little, and move on.

And, honestly. Who even reads blogs anymore?
No one has more than a TikTok video’s worth of attention these days.

Still, it’s not the same. Social media is great for a laugh or a quick update, but sometimes I want to say more. Especially when I’m passionate about what I’m sharing.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know what I mean. I’ve posted lots about music, shows, sports, everyday stuff, even the random products I use. I miss having a place to ramble a bit, reflect, or just type out whatever is on my mind.

Funny enough, like I said, this site started out as a home for my music. But I haven’t been making much of that lately. Not for any deep reason. Just life. The inspiration hasn’t really been there. I’ve been tired. Low on motivation. And most of the stuff I wanted to say didn’t feel like it was worth sharing.

It’s been a rough stretch, but I’ve also been travelling, and trying to live a little.
Then I realized, this blog is mostly for me.
A way to look back on things, learn from my mistakes, and hopefully, be better than what I was.

And that’s worth writing about too.

So here I am, easing back into the blog.
No big plans. No schedule. Just posting when I feel like it.
Some posts will be light and funny. Some might be deep.
Some might be old music I recorded back when I had a better hairline and less back pain.

If this is your first time here, welcome.
If you’ve been around, thanks for sticking with me.

The guitar strings are being replaced.
The voice and thoughts are warming up.
And the fingers are ready to type.

More soon.

Making it official

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You guys.

I’ve been sick for days now and you know the rule:
YOUR SICKNESS DOESN’T COUNT UNLESS YOU POST ABOUT IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

So here I am making it official.

Also, back in February of 1986, I was gravely ill and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There was no internet then so I’m telling you now too.

Canada Thanksgiving 2024

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With Canada’s Thanksgiving coming to a close, I took a moment to reach out to the people I’m thankful for.

To be honest, that list has gotten a bit shorter over the years.

But this time, I made sure I am thankful for myself. For keeping my shit together.

To be honest, it’s getting harder and harder over the years as well.

Daily Prompt

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Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

It’s funny how this prompt came up today.

First let me tell you a story.

According to my archives, on this day in 2003, I moved to Florida. It was a huge decision to uproot my family and start a new life in another country once again.

See, I grew up in the Philippines and I also left that country to come to Canada.

Now, both times I can still remember how alone and lonely I was for a number of years.

I didn’t know anyone. I had no friends. Starting your life over is not an easy task.

Going back to my first sentence in this post, the reason why I said that the Daily Prompt question was funny is because on this date, 4 years ago, I left the States and moved back to Canada again.

Once more, I left the life I have built, the friends I have gained and everything I have worked hard for.

Sure, I left to be with my wife, but it was a decision I was forced to do because the government whose leader wears a red baseball hat and can barely form a coherent, logical sentence drove me out of the country by using COVID as his agenda for immigration.

That’s another story that I will write down here for another time.

What I really wanted to say from all of this senseless ramblings is that, it has been 4 years that I have restarted my life back and still feel lost, alone and out of place.

Weird thing is, this time, it feels like it will never change.

Yet again

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Today was a shitty day. I have been working on changing my circumstances
to start caring for my mental health.

And yet again, life has disappointed me by giving me the shitty end of the stick.
What’s worse is that I was given hope.
Only for things to fall apart through no fault of my own.
It’s frustrating, to say the least.

It’s funny,
I don’t believe in luck anymore,
but I still blame bad luck all the time.

I feel the same about Religion.

They both have abandoned me.

Compass

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It has been 9 years since my Mother passed.
As I sit here remembering her life, love, wisdom and warmth, it is impossible to ignore the void left behind by her absence.

In my opinion, losing a parent is like losing a compass that always pointed towards love and understanding.
The journey without them is very challenging.
No matter how much time has passed.

Someday

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Someday you will meet someone who will love you unconditionally and could never get enough of you.

Sure it may be a cat but that’s not the point.

I hate dreams sometimes

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For a couple of nights now, I have been dreaming about trying to contact my parents.
Both of whom have already passed.

Last night, I was trying to call my Mother on the phone and this guy who answered won’t tell me her whereabouts.

One time, I dreamt about looking for my Father as well. And I just couldn’t find him.

This has been happening more often lately and every time it does,
I just want to go to where they were to be with them.
In my mind, I wanted to tell them I was tired and just want to rest.

Being in their presence gives me a sense of calmness.
They have always listened to me when I tell them my heartaches and pain.

I hate it so much when I dream about them but I can’t have any interactions.

It has been many years since they passed.
And I still feel as lost as ever.