I am off to Orlando tomorrow,
to see two of my guitar heroes in concert.

Joe Satriani
and Eric Johnson.

I am a big fan of “The Satch.”
And I truly admire his techniques and melodies.

But Eric is my main guy!
There is not one song he did,
that does not leave me in awe.

It’s unbelievable this guy!

If he ever asked me to run away with him, I would.
In a heartbeat.

(Honey, if you’re reading this, I am just kidding.
You know I love you.)

Anyways,
I am all set.

I washed the car,
I took a bath,
I brushed my teeth,
cleaned my ears,
cut my nails,
picked out my clothes,
and got clean underwear.

I am ready to Rock!

Wait.
Maybe I should shave my legs.

Just in case.

Besides doing a lot of drinking thinking,
I read the news from time to time.

Just to keep my self from going insane updated with current events.

And because I am bored I am a concerned member of society,
I would like to share with you some of these headlines that caught my attention.

News 1 ““ Man’s toddler son, wanders into strip club.

As I quote,
“The toddler told police that his father told him to stay in the car, and that if he left it, “monsters would eat him,” reports indicate.”

You see, this would have never happened if this guy read my website first.
Everyone knows when you have a toddler and you want to go to a nudie bar,
You lock the kid in the trunk!
Pfft .. Amateurs.

News 2 ““ 8 hospitalized after pepper spray goes off in school bus.

My God! Kids nowadays would do anything to get out of school eh?
In my day, we just go to school to meet, influence other students, then escape over the walls.
Then run like there’s no tomorrow.
Ahh. Good times.. good times.

News 3 (Technology) ““ Cell phone may really cause Brain Cancer.

They just wont let this issue die!
First they say they do cause cancer, then they say it doesn’t.
Now they say it does again.
What the hell?

Let me tell you the truth.
Trust me on this one, because I am an Engineer, a Doctor and a Therapist of Gynecology.

The only thing cell phones cause on humans is a condition I like to call “Loudus Importantus”.
Long exposures to cell phone ultra rays causes a person to think of himself as “Very Important”
Which in effect makes them talk very loud.
Because you know,
nothing says “I am very important” better than talking about your brother’s testicular operation, loudly on your cell phone.

News 4 (Religion) ““ New Judas Gospels found

Tsk Tsk Tsk,
Judas, Judas Judas.
Do you have to ride along with the popularity of the Da Vinci Code?
Timely releasing your writings?
Tacky, tacky, tacky.
Shame, shame, shame.

News 5 (Lifestyle) ““ Pickup lines for Women

Okay, these are effective pick up lines for women, trying to make the first move.
Ladies, the only line that works for us men is “Hi!”
End of story.
Oh and “I’m drunk.”

—-
Okay, I better stop there.
I think that’s enough current events for now.
I still have a lot to tell you but,
you know what they say,

“There are only two kinds of people,
those who finish what they start
and so on…”

My friend Abbie and I were talking today,
About how hard it must be for a guy,
to take the full responsibility of “Nurturing a child,”
and becoming a stay-at-home Dad.

And she asked me what I feel about it, based on my experience.

And I was honest with her,
I told her that there are days when a man can get so overwhelmed,
we feel like we’re gonna lose our minds.

As strong as we think we are,
we can only take so much.

“It must be a guy thing too.” I said.
“We’re just not as strong as women.”

We need to take a break from time to time.
A long, long break.

She laughingly agreed.

So I got into thinking.

It really is true.
Us men, have nothing to brag against women.
We can never compete with how they handle stress and pressure of raising a child.

Not to mention “childbirth.”

There is no way in this world,
us men will ever have any idea,
let alone grasp,
the feeling of a painful childbirth.

We can never top that.

Although,
one night,
I stepped on Tyler’s alphabet blocks.

That must have been pretty close.

Because it sure did hurt like a Mother Trucker!

On Wednesday of this week,
at two minutes and three seconds after ONE 0’Clock in the morning,

The time and date will be:

01:02:03 04/05/06

This will never happen again.
Well, at least not in our lifetime.

I find this really cool.

Because I am a geek.
And a little bit weird.

Hey, hey, hey!

Remember this post? — Aug. 24, 2005

Now check this out.

I was cleaning out the garage, right?
Then I saw this while I was sweeping the floor.

Click for larger image. –>

It’s a freakin’ snakeskin!
Inside the garage!
It freakin shed its skin inside the garage!

Now I have no clue how it got in.
Or if it ever got itself out.
I must have spent the whole day
looking for possible points of entry.

Now isn’t that lovely?
What more can aggravate my paranoia than
finding two serpents in this house.
In less than 7 months!

Maybe it’s a sign.
Maybe it’s a plague.
Maybe the apocalypse is coming.

Oh yeah!
The end of the world is near.

I know this.
I read that in the Bible.

Right after the story when Jesus journeyed through Mount Doom,
to throw the “Horcrux” into the boiling lake of lava
and turned it into wine

See?
I know this stuff.
I am smart.

I am so smart, I am practically retarded!

—–
Now let me share some cool links,
So I can forget about the fact that I am scared of snakes.
And I am in fear for my life.

How will I die quiz ““ quizopolis.com
Hendrix at Woodstock ““ google video (press play)
WW II in color — ww2incolor.com
Be quiet! ““ putfile.com (funny video)

Guess who I am going to see?

Look it!!!!!

Joe Satriani,
and Special guest, Eric Johnson.

My ticket came today!

Oh my God!
I am so excited, I am frothing in the mouth!

I’ll probably pee in my pants when I see Satch, and
faint when I see Eric.

What am I gonna do?
What will I wear?

You think Eric will sign my guitar?
(And when I say guitar, I meant my boobs.)

Happy Birthday to my niece Bea,
I wish you all the best!

We love you very much.

Don’t forget to send us pictures from your party.

Music star, Yanni (Pronounced Yawn-ee),
was arrested in his Florida home,
charged with domestic violence.

Link here,
and here.

As a guy who loves music,
I never made fun nor criticized this “New Age” kind of music.
Even though I suppose this music will eventually mess up your head,
and make you violent.

But, as I read about Yawn-ee’s arrest charges,
it kicks him up to a high spot on my “Hated People list.”

This just proves what I have been saying all these years.

“Husbands who hit their wives,
are just angry because,
these men don’t have any testicles.”

And even though you said you were sorry
and promised to never do it again,
it still doesn’t justify what you did.

Why don’t you just shave your butt,
wear a dress,
walk backwards
and call yourself “Nancy.”

God, I hate these people.

You know you’re not going to have a good day when…..

You put both contact lens on the same eye.

/raises hand
//bows head in shame

It took me a long time to get my hands on a Piano Keyboard,
Just so I can record a whole bunch of songs.

Since I don’t have any musician friends here whom I can jam with,
I pathetically try to play most of the instruments in the songs I do.
(Okay, I don’t have “any” friends.)

But now, as I was ready to record them,
the “adapter” on my Effects Processor burnt out.

Freakin’ Grrrrrrr!!!!

I think someone’s telling me to stop making crappy music,
and stick to the thing I do best.

And that is to provide you with some cool links.

Here you go.

And you’re welcome.

The Simpson’s come to life — sun.co.uk (very cool)
Ladies, find your perfect sports bra. — shockabsober.com (NSFW)
Crazy Hockey fight — google video
Check the haunted places in your town — shadowlands.net
Trailer for Silent Hill — apple.com